First let me state for the crowd that I am adamantly in support of victims of sexual assault/harassment. I am concerned and disgusted with the rate of sexual assault in the world. Though it has been exaggerated by false statistics in the past, even a rate of 1% of our friends, daughters, sisters, brothers and sons being assaulted is terrible and unacceptable.
Now that this bit is out of the way, let’s get onto the meat of this conversation. First, how do rape culture and aggressive feminism interact to affect men who aren’t rapists/sexual aggressors? Second, What is the root cause and current depth of rape culture? And third, what are some solutions to this problem?
By now everyone who’s an ardent feminist and hater of men will have forgotten what I initially stated. They will have automatically reverted to their man hating ways and resumed their assumption that since I am a man that I will undoubtedly be making excuses for rapists, perpetuating the ‘rape culture’ that is so pervasive, and eventually trying to rape someone. See how assumptions can hurt your feelings and close your mind?? It’s a shitty way to start any dialogue, so let me repeat:
I AM ADAMANTLY AGAINST SEXUAL ASSAULT IN ANY FORM AND I TAKE THE MATTER SERIOUSLY.
There. Now we can begin the dialogue.
I was recently labeled as a rape apologist, much to my disgust. I had merely stated that I personally have a minimum burden of proof for things that are said to me by anyone and that if someone came to me stating they were raped, I’d ask for info. A much nicer person ended up pointing out that perhaps I should simply console and help them seek professional assistance initially, maybe even driving them to a police station or hospital, to which I agreed would probably be the better choice.
I’m a guy. I’m not inherently sensitive to feelings about the situation. If someone tells me they are raped I would think that my first reaction would be to get the info so I can go bring justice upon the individual. That’s my driving factor – the desire for justice to be done and the rapist to be taken out of society. If it was my daughter then I would probably end up pulling a Samuel L. Jackson and going to jail for murder.
But in this you will see that I’m asking for info so I can make a judgement. And as was pointed out, this is bad. It’s also something that I’ve found from discussions from other men that is a common initial reaction from men.
Women will want to console and help without judgement. And that’s definitely a better initial solution. This is the difference between men and women. Men and women inherently think differently. We have different goals and steps to finding justice and helping a victim.
That’s why dialogue and understanding is so important.
Just because we have a different thinking process and aren’t connecting the dots in the same order doesn’t mean we don’t care or are rape apologists. But I can see how this may make someone come to a conclusion. And this is my first point: how does ‘rape culture’ as presented in the media and aggressive feminism affect the average guy?
Well, we are concerned because we feel like at any moment we will be lumped into the sexual predator group just for trying to meet a girl we think is pretty. There’s a ton of anxiety for ‘nice guys’ around women due to the instant labeling of a guy as a ‘creep’ or as being ‘rapey’ when they just want to meet a nice girl. And all it really takes is that one-time label to really screw up a guy’s chances of ever getting romantic with a woman.
Sometimes Feminists will get aggressive and mass label all men as the bad apples. Because if this massive rape culture is reality then it’s obvious that all men must be a part of it. Feminists preach about equality and then put down and belittle men and the problems they face. And even though this isn’t all feminists it’s enough of them that it’s become a meme and created a cultural backlash against feminism and feminists.
The appearance and portrayal in the media of a massive rape culture in the civilized world has been positive in some ways as it has brought discussion to the forefront. People are aware of it happening and outraged by people who get away with it. Yet ALL of the men I know personally under the age of 35 are vehemently against rape or sexual assault anyway.
It takes a little effort, but I have to admit that I have met a few guys who seem like they would be capable of such heinous acts. I can readily believe it happens. Yet I don’t associate with those individuals so it’s not at the forefront of my thoughts. Even so it would seem that any time a guy disagrees with or tries to offer debate counter-points to a feminist they are labeled a rape-apologist and lumped into that group of despicable men. This in turn stifles conversation and dialogue which would lead to growth as well as fosters a disdain for those feminists. And this is the problem. This is how aggressive feminism and the identification of a ‘rape culture’ affects the average guy. This affects us all.