Rape Culture and Feminist Vitriol

First let me state for the crowd that I am adamantly in support of victims of sexual assault/harassment.  I am concerned and disgusted with the rate of sexual assault in the world. Though it has been exaggerated by false statistics in the past, even a rate of 1% of our friends, daughters, sisters, brothers and sons being assaulted is terrible and unacceptable.

Now that this bit is out of the way, let’s get onto the meat of this conversation. First, how do rape culture and aggressive feminism interact to affect men who aren’t rapists/sexual aggressors?  Second, What is the root cause and current depth of rape culture?  And third, what are some solutions to this problem? 

By now everyone who’s an ardent feminist and hater of men will have forgotten what I initially stated.  They will have automatically reverted to their man hating ways and resumed their assumption that since I am a man that I will undoubtedly be making excuses for rapists, perpetuating the ‘rape culture’ that is so pervasive, and eventually trying to rape someone.  See how assumptions can hurt your feelings and close your mind??  It’s a shitty way to start any dialogue, so let me repeat:

I AM ADAMANTLY AGAINST SEXUAL ASSAULT IN ANY FORM AND I TAKE THE MATTER SERIOUSLY.

There.  Now we can begin the dialogue.

I was recently labeled as a rape apologist, much to my disgust.  I had merely stated that I personally have a minimum burden of proof for things that are said to me by anyone and that if someone came to me stating they were raped, I’d ask for info.  A much nicer person ended up pointing out that perhaps I should simply console and help them seek professional assistance initially, maybe even driving them to a police station or hospital, to which I agreed would probably be the better choice.

I’m a guy.  I’m not inherently sensitive to feelings about the situation.  If someone tells me they are raped I would think that my first reaction would be to get the info so I can go bring justice upon the individual.  That’s my driving factor – the desire for justice to be done and the rapist to be taken out of society.  If it was my daughter then I would probably end up pulling a Samuel L. Jackson and going to jail for murder. 

But in this you will see that I’m asking for info so I can make a judgement.  And as was pointed out, this is bad.  It’s also something that I’ve found from discussions from other men that is a common initial reaction from men.

Women will want to console and help without judgement.  And that’s definitely a better initial solution. This is the difference between men and women.  Men and women inherently think differently.  We have different goals and steps to finding justice and helping a victim. 

That’s why dialogue and understanding is so important.

Just because we have a different thinking process and aren’t connecting the dots in the same order doesn’t mean we don’t care or are rape apologists.  But I can see how this may make someone come to a conclusion.  And this is my first point: how does ‘rape culture’ as presented in the media and aggressive feminism affect the average guy?

Well, we are concerned because we feel like at any moment we will be lumped into the sexual predator group just for trying to meet a girl we think is pretty.  There’s a ton of anxiety for ‘nice guys’ around women due to the instant labeling of a guy as a ‘creep’ or as being ‘rapey’ when they just want to meet a nice girl.  And all it really takes is that one-time label to really screw up a guy’s chances of ever getting romantic with a woman. 

Sometimes Feminists will get aggressive and mass label all men as the bad apples.  Because if this massive rape culture is reality then it’s obvious that all men must be a part of it.  Feminists preach about equality and then put down and belittle men and the problems they face.   And even though this isn’t all feminists it’s enough of them that it’s become a meme and created a cultural backlash against feminism and feminists.

The appearance and portrayal in the media of a massive rape culture in the civilized world has been positive in some ways as it has brought discussion to the forefront.  People are aware of it happening and outraged by people who get away with it.  Yet ALL of the men I know personally under the age of 35 are vehemently against rape or sexual assault anyway. 

It takes a little effort, but I have to admit that I have met a few guys who seem like they would be capable of such heinous acts.  I can readily believe it happens.  Yet I don’t associate with those individuals so it’s not at the forefront of my thoughts.  Even so it would seem that any time a guy disagrees with or tries to offer debate counter-points to a feminist they are labeled a rape-apologist and lumped into that group of despicable men.  This in turn stifles conversation and dialogue which would lead to growth as well as fosters a disdain for those feminists.  And this is the problem.  This is how aggressive feminism and the identification of a ‘rape culture’ affects the average guy.  This affects us all.


Love and Intimacy in the age of MeToo

No means NO. We get it! We really do! This is the easy part to understand.

But what about the girl who we make advances on and she accepts, kisses back, gropes us back, and seems to enjoy the intimacy – but then later claims she was forced? What?! These are the things we are worried about.

We are worried about how we can navigate those murky waters while keeping the romance that you so desperately desire alive. We worry about if we should now bring legal documents of consent to each and every hook up. What’s worse, we worry if we should have been doing it all along.

There is an ever growing movement among women that is turning the old “buyer’s remorse” – the regret that occasionally comes after having intimate relations (including just a kiss) with someone that you just didn’t click very well with, who you didn’t really like that much, or that was bad in bed – into new accusations of sexual misconduct. What used to be an awkward “hey” in the hallway has now become a story of being taken advantage of and unwanted sexual advances even though consent was mutual at the time.

When did yes stop meaning yes?

It’s a difficult question to answer and one that is made further so because of my own experiences. What about that young lady who I hooked up with that was just…bad? What about the girl who cheated on me? What about the girl who got really clingy way too fast and I had to break it off with her? Do any of these women now think that I assaulted them, many years after the fact, even though it was consensual at the time?

The answer to all of this is celibacy. Just don’t ever have sex until marriage.

The realistic answer to this is maybe to just be more selective and denounce hook-up culture. And I’ll be the first to admit that this solution is almost as hard as the first one. Sex is a wonderful and fun experience that few of us are likely to ever give up on.

The reality is that we will never know what’s going through someone’s mind unless they tell us, and even then it may be too late to repair any lost trust or feelings of vulnerability.

And it’s most likely not the “players” that will suffer wrongful allegations. It’s the regular guys who literally can’t tell when their own girlfriends are angry at them. These poor males who are completely inept at picking up the extremely subtle clues that women give off.

Any guy can hear “no!” and realize he should stop doing what he’s doing. But a girl barely tensing up as you kiss her after she already leaned in for a kiss previously? Or the girl who moans as you start to get intimate, but then lays there fairly motionless? Was that just a bad kiss? Did you bite her lip? Is she a girl who likes to focus on the pleasure of the experience and not move much? Or are you overstepping your bounds and about to face criminal charges?

That right there is enough to cripple most regular men from approaching any women. Maybe that’s what the third wave, militant lesbian, man hating feminists want. Maybe they actually want all the women to themselves! It’s all part of a conspiracy I tell you!

Or maybe it’s just that men are far less nuanced than women and for decades (at least) women have been chalking bad experiences up to simple bad experiences with guys they don’t like. But now they don’t feel like they have to! They can have that Instagram-perfect relationship with that handsome man who’s perfectly romantic in every way! They’ve seen it be possible online.

Women are being emboldened to take charge of their sexual history now rather than their sexual destiny as was preached in the previous four decades of western civilization. The victor gets to rewrite history, and in this case the victor is determined by the court of public opinion. It’s the modern stockades for you, young man, if you are deemed to have stepped out of line.

And why is it that this seems to be such a major deal in the USA and nowhere else in western nations? Are we somehow MORE patriarchal than Poland or Russia? That’s preposterous!

It honestly seems like a fair amount of people believe that the majority of white men are sitting around in small groups plotting their next molestation, rape, and cover up event. And the white men who aren’t included in those meetings? Well they are bravely standing up to defend their brethren from any jail time.

Don’t get me wrong, injustice does occur. The tale of Brock Turner is testament to that. Every man I know agrees that he should’ve done the full sentence of 14 years at a minimum. The guy is a creep and the only solace we can take from that story is that at least he is infamous now and has to register on the sex offender lists.

But then there’s injustice the other way as well and men have often been the target of these injustices. So where do we draw the line? How do we handle this complex issue?

We have to hope and trust that our next generation will be better than us. We have to hope that the virtues of integrity and honesty will stand strong in the people of this nation and the world. We have to engage each other and listen and come to understandings. Life is never easy. And now love and intimacy isn’t either.


Kanye West White House visit and Fallout

Kanye West recently went to the White House for some sort of meeting. He’s been very pro-Trump recently and very outspoken in some of his views of which there are some kooky ones. That’s fine, he’s allowed to be kooky. He is now receiving a fair amount of blowback and criticism for his visit and what transpired during it.

The main blowback it seems is that a lot of brainwashed democrats don’t like that he said he supports Trump or that he thinks that people believe you have to be Democrat if you are black. This is the problem with Identity politics. So many of these people who are outraged with Kanye West feel like he was speaking FOR them. But he wasn’t doing that at all. He was speaking for himself and himself only.

Identity politics would have us believe that he is embarrassing to black Americans and should be silenced so he can’t embarrass himself or others anymore. Why should anyone care if he embarrasses himself though? If you think his words and actions were embarrassing, then that’s your opinion of HIM and his ACTIONS. Not of all black people.

No rational person would assume that one jackass is representative of all people the world over. Yes, we do say that if we experience multiple people from a culture that are rude that maybe the people of that culture are rude in general. Cultural norms are a thing. But people are their own individuals who are not always representative of their respective nation or culture.

That’s why trying to break people into continually smaller sub-groups is a problem for the unity of a nation. In the modern age, we should come together under a common set of values. That’s how America was founded – a core set of principles which defined liberty to the people. Why is everyone so set in their desire to claim the title of biggest victim instead?

Diversity for Diversity’s Sake

It seems that people have problems with the make up of certain political parties or politicians from certain areas. The problem stems from the idea that they aren’t filled with enough diversity. As if diversity is the goal and not an accurate representation by qualified people.

And that’s the general problem with most politics of our age. Everyone is so caught up with “changing the landscape” and ensuring that minorities are represented that they are endorsing and electing people simply because they are different than old, white men. This is absolutely concerning and dangerous.

This is Identity Politics. That’s a term that will trigger some people as well. They don’t want people pointing out the truth of their strategy or reducing their supposed virtues and moral superiority to a political term. Yet you shouldn’t be criticized for calling a kettle black.

I believe that, at least in the US House of Representatives, that elected officials should be as close to the representation of their constituents as possible. While it isn’t exactly in line with demographic distribution of our population, even by area, it is getting better and closer to it. Kudos to those people who are electing qualified and diverse representatives for their communities!

But there’s the catch – diverse does not equate directly to qualified. It is a case of A can equal B, but A does not ALWAYS equal B. Diversity is fine if it’s for the right reasons. Diversity just because you want to rob white people of their seats in politics because of some perceived injustice is baloney.

Representation in politics is also a numbers game. It stands to reason that the people who actually run for a position are the ones who have a chance of actually attaining it. And following that, only people with the interest and ability to run for positions will even do so. So maybe it’s not the fault of the evil white man that congress is so old, male, and white. Maybe it’s the fault of the constituents who fail to support each other or decide not to run for office.

Then again, Baltimore, MD as a city is nearly entirely run by black politicians. It’s a pretty accurate representation of the inner city. But no one is crying that the white people in that city aren’t represented enough or that the city council and other seats of power aren’t diverse enough. Where’s the Asian representation? Where’s the Hispanic representation? Oh, that doesn’t matter unless the predominant population is white.

Make no mistake, this is diversity for diversity’s sake. And underlying it all is a sinister idea that white people, especially white men, are evil and deserve nothing but condescension and vitriol.

Afraid of Critique? Only if you’re an SJW…

It seems more and more that I see controversial opinion pieces being touted as the best, hottest new morals and roadmaps for the world to follow. Articles criticizing Dave Chapelle’s latest special “Sticks and Stones” that claim it just isn’t funny and is instead simply offensive and vulgar are the current trend. Which is funny because the common layman of the world think that the special is hilarious as evidenced by the audience score on Rotten Tomatoes.

Other pieces which criticize people for not being “green enough” or espouse the benefits of being pro-LGBTQIA+++ and accepting pride while denouncing traditional sexuality. It’s like they forgot that you need straight people to produce more gay people. It seems that in most places you look these days you see articles which are talking about old school issues in very soft, unrealistic ways.

And then, after the terrible arguments based on emotions are through, at the bottom of the online article there seems to be a significant lack of a usually common feature – there’s no comment section. In this internet age it has been expected for some time that places that post articles and opinion pieces would have a place for instant feedback. It’s actually a good thing to have it so you can get a better idea of the values and interests of your readers.

Yet suddenly it seems they are disappearing. Almost everywhere there is a controversial idea promoted there is a lack of a comments section. The critiquing of ideas is no longer the norm. Spouting nonsense that makes people feel good about their moral choices regardless of their efficacy is the norm instead. Why is that?

What’s really interesting is that this seems to be a primarily one-sided phenomenon. Check out Fox news articles and opinion pieces online and you will find a thriving, and sometimes ridiculous, comments section that is filled with input from all sides of the political spectrum. Fox doesn’t run from this input. They thrive on it.

Meanwhile, hack SJW publications like Vox, Vice, and even small publications which push SJW opinions such as Fatherly, are removing comments sections. Even Rotten Tomatoes has started to remove the ability for fans to write reviews, instead catering to an increasingly progressive industry elite which does not have the same values or interests as the common citizen.

Is it a conspiracy? Maybe. I’d like to liken it more to a self-preservation technique like an armadillo rolling into an armored ball. They are hiding themselves away and protecting their fragile underbelly of ideas. They have to. Those ideas are easily destroyed by the facts of the real world.

What do you think? Let me know in the comments below!

The 3rd Party Vote

If you’re like me, and I’m betting you are, you’re frustrated. Frustrated with how the election cycle has become a sham. Frustrated with the “lesser of two evils” situation that we’ve been saddled with for at least 20 years in America. Frustrated with the way it seems the odds are stacked against the average citizen. Luckily, we in America have been given a great weapon to use against our elitist enemies: the Vote.

Here’s the problem: it’s the Prisoner’s Dilemma for us in the USA when it comes to voting for the President. If you don’t know what the “Prisoner’s Dilemma” is then I highly suggest you looking it up. Our two party system will make so much more sense to you after that.

How does the Prisoner’s Dilemma apply here though? Well, do you vote for the left or the right? Or do you try your hand with a third party? You don’t know how other people are going to vote, so you can assume that they aren’t going to vote third party because we’ve all been told “that would be a wasted vote.” And if they don’t vote that way, then you feel it’s a waste of your vote to vote that way. So then you don’t vote that way and we all end up with little to zero votes for the third party candidate. 

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Advice on How to be Creative

Creativity is a tough thing to define and an even tougher thing to teach. Some people seem to be BORN to be creative. Some people seem to always jump to the best, most interesting, most creative problem solving ideas before any of their peers. Is this you? Or are you wanting to emulate these “gifted” individuals?

Creativity is and isn’t a mystical skill. Luckily, it is a skill. One that you can learn to cultivate. But don’t take my word for it. If you have the time, 36 minutes to be exact, let John Cleese of Monty Python fame explain creativity to you.

https://youtu.be/Pb5oIIPO62g  (I would Embed the video, but the channel has forbid the video from being on any other website. Bummer. If you want to search the video on YouTube, the title is “John Cleese on Creativity In Management” and it looks a bit older because it is.)

Though the video is long, it entertains throughout and gives you some good, thought provoking ideas.  Some of these ideas even tread into the realm of how to be successful in business and life…

Have a great day and do some creative thinking!

– Jared

It’s up to YOU

Motivate yourselfIt’s up to you to make your life what you dream of.  Nobody else is going to do it for you.  They’re all too busy trying to make their life better – or at least trying to keep their life from sinking.

So when you do something awesome and nobody claps for you, don’t fret.

When you hit one of your personal goals and make a milestone yet there’s no one around to see it, don’t let it get you down.

Celebrate that moment for yourself and by yourself first before you try and celebrate with others.  Indulge in something.  Give yourself a reward.

Drink some nice wine.  Go out for a nice dinner.  Watch that TV show that you’ve been dying to see.

And then get back to work.

Your dreams are waiting out there for you to make them a reality.  Don’t let them down!  Keep at it and remember: you’re awesome.

– Jared

Believe in Yourself

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I was just thinking about this subject.  You see, you HAVE to believe in yourself.  Because honestly, not many other people will.

At least that’s true at first.  And that’s fine.

You should know yourself better than anyone else.  And if you don’t then you should take some time to meditate on who you are as a person.  Really look at yourself and be brutally honest with yourself.

Once you do this and you have seen your faults for all they are worth – then and only then can you really work to improve and know what you are capable of doing.

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Focus

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I want you to zero in on the word “focus” in that quote by Socrates (*Edit: I also want you to know that this quote is often misattributed to the historical, Greek Socrates.  It is not from him.  Instead, it is from a fictional character named Socrates in Olympic Coach Dan Millman’s book, “Way of the Peaceful Warrior.”).

We all know what “focus” means in the many forms it can take.

A camera focusing on an object, a laser beam focusing to be tighter, and giving another person your attention.  These are all examples of focus.

Today, however, I want us to really think about focusing our energy on the things we want to achieve in life.  How does that happen?  How can we better focus on our goals?  These are the questions we will discuss.

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